Greetings from sunny and warm Southern California. I have missed my blogger friends and thought since Dad decided to take me along to his monster in-laws house for Thanksgiving I would share.
We left the house at halftime of the Packer game. Dad tells me his favorite football team was named after a meat packing company and as a dog who loves meat I can relate. What should have been a half hour drive turned into a hour because of traffic and he was frustrated. So Dads mood changed a little darker by each minute. Mom said something about "don't worry they will probably just lose to the Lions, it might be better if you miss it" She's always been a cat lover but went a little too far this time. Finally we arrived "just in time" to help put out the snacks and set up the bar for the rest of the guests. All the while wondering if the father in-law was going to help. Nope. Wasn't in his plans. I watched as Dad got stuff set up and cracked the first cold beer of the day. I could see the sparkle in his eye as he exercised his Irish pride. We settled in to watch the last few minutes of the game when "uncle Ted" and his "wife" Arleen walk in. Dad got up and fixed the newcomers a drink. Which was a good time for me to sample the prosciutto and melon. Prosciutto good, melon not. Hope nobody finds where I left it. Finally he comes back muttering about how old Ted and Arleen are and how he doesn't want to hear about anymore ailments. We sit back down, in walks a sister in-law with her dorky husband and clinging child. The kid races over and pulls my ear. I want to bite him, I really do, but with age comes wisdom and I know if I do I won't get invited again. My Dad notices and with the Packers win and all he is feeling generous and offers to play pool with the dork. But dork Dad of the cling on decides it's teachable moment and unscrews a pool cue and gives it to his kid so he can play. What happens when you give a 5 year old a stick? He hits things, right? Including his uncle Patrick. Dad was not amused but the kids parents were. A-holes. Dad decides at this point drinking the afternoon away is his best option. Who could blame him. The monster in-law approaches and asks "how long do you think we should cook the turkey in my new convection oven" Dad wants to say "I don't Effin know" but what comes out is "Where's the book, we'll figure it out" Which of course means Dad has taken ownership of the turkey preparation. Convection oven 101 knowledge secured and a bird is in the oven. Cousin Mark and The Dysfunctional girlfriend show up. Mark begins two fisting the shrimp cocktail like a Seinfeld episode. Dad leaves the room in disgust and in search of Patron. I hope for fall out. Never happens. We sit and watch a little bit of the Dallas game wondering why they don't have an opponent. Halftime comes and it's time for bocce ball. Mark is full of shrimp and half full of beer and can't play a game for fun and our family bocce game practically becomes full contact. Which is fun.....NOT.... I go back and forth with the guys as they play not quite understanding why they keep chasing and throwing balls around the yard. My Mom comes out and tells Dad to check the turkey, just like her to micro-manage. Dad does as he's told and says another half hour until it's done. Back to bocce which is a marathon because no-one is very good. Mid-way through the third game someone (father in-law) threw a ball down the hill. While everyone was looking for it Dad decides to take the turkey out and let it cool before carving. It seems like a good time to open a bottle of wine which Dad does secretly hoping nobody wants any. They do, darn it. But there is lots so all is well. He comes back to carve the turkey and after answering the "do you think it's done question 45 times" He finishes. Turkey carved , table set, side dishes are ready and dinner goes on without embarassment or problems.
Dishes are done and plans for desert are set aside for later. Time for the annual drunken uncles poker game. My big sister asks Dad if she can play. He says "do you have any money" she says "No Daddy" Dad digs deep and buys her into the game. It works everytime for her when she says "Daddy" . Poker game progressing well....... for my big sister who is taking everyones money. Never offering to pay Dad back for the buy in. It's OK though. I hear she has a pub crawl planned for later with friends and cousins. Then another sister in-law comes in with her husband and two sons. One is 18 and knows everything, the other is 15 and knows nothing and is proud of it. It's true ignorance is bliss. We all say hello and get back to donating to the pub crawl cause. Dad and sis have a couple shots of Patron and reluctantly offer some to Ted and the father in-law. They accept. Damn. I'm beginning to understand why Dad loses in poker. It might be Patron related. A loud argument starts in the kitchen and it's Mark and the 18 year old know it all discussing politics. Which is always a good idea when drinking. The father of the 18 year old invites him outside to discuss it and promptly places him in a head lock. Which of course leads to his wife punching and kicking him until he lets her son go. Dad and big sis raise another shot of Patron and pledge their love for one another in the name of family unity. I look for a quiet place to lie down. A few people decide it's time to go home and Dad asks " why are you leaving the fun is just getting started" Nobody thinks he's funny. But he sure laughs alot. Sis gets picked up shortly after that commotion and begins her binge drinking. We decide we should go soon, well............... Mom decided. So we watch a little TV before leaving when Cousin Mark and The Dysfunctional Girlfriend get ready to go. The monster in-law walks them out and Dad and I follow. Then we hear a loud crash and it seems the girlfriend has pilfered two bottles of wine in her satchel sized purse. She was over served and while taking two steps forward and one backward she dropped it and shattered the wine. Soaking the entire contents of her purse. Mark begins yelling at her and it quickly becomes obvious she steals booze almost everywhere they go. Dad starts laughing and says he admires her priorities. Nobody thinks it's funny and he gets upset and goes inside to sulk. A piece of pie and coffee and we are all set to go home. Traffic wasn't bad but the ride home was real quiet. I hope Mom decides to talk to Dad soon.
So how was your Thanksgiving?
Sadie
ps. I'm staying home for Christmas
Tuesday, December 1, 2009
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